Redhead Jokes

Two sailors on shore leave were walking down the street when they spotted a beautiful blonde.
The first sailor asks his friend, "Have you ever slept with a blonde?"
Second sailor replies that he has.
They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette.
S1: "Have you ever slept with a brunette?"
S2: "Why, yes. In fact, I've slept with brunettes on many occasions."
They walk on a little further and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.
S1: "Have you ever slept with a redhead then?"
His companion looks at him slyly and replies, "Not a wink!"


A redhead accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him something nutritious. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.


"Cash, check or charge?" the sales clerk asked, after folding items the redhead wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet the clerk notice a TV remote control in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote with you when you're shopping?" the clerk asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."


Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a blonde. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning herself. He said he didn't see any difference on the first two days, but after it sunk in on the third day, he came home to a clean house and the dishes were washed and put away.
The second man had married a brunette. He bragged that he had ordered his wife to do all the cleaning, all the dishes, and all the cooking. He said he didn't see any results on the first day, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a redhead. He shared that he had told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry done, and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye...just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and find the mower in the garage.


Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds


Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails


Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor


Q. How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A. She unties you


A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled
across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out
popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released
me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time
this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes
so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive my Vette
over there to visit?" The genie laughed , "That's impossible.
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach
the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete-how
much steel! And the maintenance of that bridge! No - think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I'm married to a redhead. So, I wish that
I could under-stand her ...... know how she feels inside
and what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment......
know what she really wants when she says 'nothing'...
know how to make her truly happy......
I want to know how she can be so damn sexy one second and be
the devils daughter, the next. I really want to under-stand
her and how she thinks!"

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"


How do you know when you've had sex with a redhead?
If you are dehydrated,
can't walk,
and have blood running down your back,
you've been with a redhead.

(also, the rope burns on your wrists and ankles,
Whip marks on your bum and the
stiletto heal marks on you may just
be a good clue that you have been with a redhead)

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Doughboy?
ANGRY redhead with a yeast infection